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Post by sailorfire on Sept 30, 2004 20:25:38 GMT 10
THE original subject was :original story by me!
Title: A cold winter’s night
Location: England /time 9:00 pm
One cold winter’s night, it was dark and cold in the house.
Sarah glared at the children playing outside, making snow angels, snowmen, and snow figures happily.
She sighed. Winter was cold and cruel to her family.
Every year, one of her family members would die during winter.
She thought that a curse was upon her family. She remembered the other day…
2 days ago:
She and Kelvin, her elder brother was making snow men near the house when out of
the nearby forest, a pack of wolves rushed at her and Kelvin. Kelvin grabbed a stick
and knocked some of the wolves away. Sarah stood, frozen with shock.
“Go, Sarah, now!” Sarah yelled, “But…” Kelvin yelled even more fiercely, “go quick, now!”
Sarah ran into the house as fast as she could and informed her parents about the wolves.
But when her parents had run out and finished fighting off the wolves,
Kelvin lay dead on the ground, in a pool of red blood.
It tainted the white purity of the snow…
Sarah shook her head. There was no denying his death anymore.
To be continued…
This is an original story by me. Constructive criticism is welcome….
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Post by Chibi Jen on Sept 30, 2004 21:40:04 GMT 10
Interesting... There's not much I could comment on so far~ since it's only the establishment of it. I'll have to read the rest of it to be able to comment properly ^_^ Keep writing  |
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Post by sailorfire on Sept 30, 2004 23:08:32 GMT 10
That had to be the coldest winter night ever. Her younger sister Thalia had been killed the year before and the year before that, her cousin Ben had died… now, she was alone in the house. Her parents had gone out to deal with Ben’s funeral.
Then, the Christmas lights died out. The darkness in her house was overwhelming. She got out, unable to tolerate the dark atmosphere of the house anymore. Then she saw the same pack of wolves which had attacked her and Kelvin.
(To be continued still… my comp internet is shutting down soon!)
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Post by Chibi Jen on Oct 2, 2004 22:31:41 GMT 10
You're killing me with the suspense ...lol Keep writing, and then I can judge your story as a whole..hehee.. good going.
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Post by sailorfire on Oct 2, 2004 22:38:51 GMT 10
she could not run as they quickly encircled her. she was like a puny prey surrounded by a large group of hunters. she chased them away bravely, getting many cuts, bruises and gashes across her legs and arms. The last wolf tried to kill her but she was quicker. red blood sprayed the snowy-white ground again...
The blood that tainted the white purity of the snow was from the wolf.Sarah gasped with pain, relief and exhaustion as she staggered to the house and made an emergency phone call for an ambulance.
(more coming!!!)
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Blu
Innocent Moderator 
Also known as : Ari
Cagalli x Athrun
Posts: 1,053
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Post by Blu on Oct 2, 2004 23:19:01 GMT 10
Sailorfire, you have a very morbid obsession with families and death... reminds me of my early teenage years... its so cute!
lol
Nothing I can really say against it, you got the descriptions pretty gruesome, but not over the top I laughed when you said:
Like there was any doubt to begin with lol
Keep going! Yeah ^^
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Post by sailorfire on Oct 2, 2004 23:52:49 GMT 10
Later , in the hospital, her parents saw her looking pale and tired. They fussed about her." Don't go out of the house again!" " Stay inside, even if it's dark."Their anxious voices consoled her and she fell asleep.
"No!!!" she awoke as she dreamt a wolf had killed her parents right in front of her.
(more to come><)
note: this all came from a very vivid dream i had...
and there will be the wolve's side of the story as well. pls correct any errors if i have any... arigato/ thanks!
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Blu
Innocent Moderator
Also known as : Ari
Cagalli x Athrun
Posts: 1,053
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Post by Blu on Oct 3, 2004 11:12:39 GMT 10
What type of errors... gramatically there are quite a few as per usual, and it'd take too long >.<
Otherwise its a story - - you can't really make errors unless you're talking about making sense...
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Post by sailorfire on Oct 3, 2004 22:27:01 GMT 10
ok... i mean if something in the story appears strange...
continuation:
she gasped for breath and then fell asleep again, this time not dreaming of anything. she then pleaded with her parents to sell the house as it held traumatic memories for her. Her dad refused...
A few days later, still in the hospital, she woke up and saw her parents in front of her. They told her that they had sold the house.
note: more to come!
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Post by Chibi Jen on Oct 10, 2004 22:27:58 GMT 10
Not bad.. but can you please try to avoid posting up so little of the story bit by bit? ^^;;
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Post by sailorfire on Dec 4, 2004 18:29:18 GMT 10
Sarah looked surprised. she had always thought that her dad loved the house. but her mother explained taht her father was haunted by memories of Kelvin's death. Sarah nodded.
Later, at Kelvin's grave , she stood there like a black angel tossing flowers all over the area surrounding his tombstone.She then knelt down and smiled at his tombstone, whispering ," Kelvin... i killed the wolf which killed you... rest in peace..." she wore black, looked somber like death itself. A long mournful howl of a wolf was heard and she hurried away, shuddering in fear. The sky darkened, rain falling and the rumbling of thunder was heard.
Indeed, it was a cold winter's night ... that was cruel and heartless.
( a side story coming...)
er, i forgot to say this, but this was inspired by my dreams.
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