Starfish Poems (warning: can contain evil stuff)

[Starfish]

I wrote this poem in a period of my life where I was very depressed.

(Warning: contains suicidal tendencies)

Title:
DEPRESSED

I know that for the past few days I've been acting very strangely
But that's because I've been trying to suppress all the feelings in me
Every single night I have screamed and cried
From all the pain I've held inside
When you try to hide feelings for so very long
You tend not to be emotionally strong
There are so many reasons why I feel this way
I guess I should just write the feelings I've tried not to convey.

First of all there's that religious thing
And all the praise that it will bring
Everyone is getting a stupid confirmation
Then they'll have a huge celebration
It makes me feel so out of place
Because I don't believe in that kind of grace.

Then there's the fact that I have who I want
But I think that my friends believe it's a taunt
I think they get sad whenever I hold him
And suddenly I'm afraid I made their emotions dim
I feel so bad because I'm happy
And they are the ones who start feeling crappy.

After that reason there's the feeling of someone trying to criticize
And how it's me they want to revise
It makes me start thinking that what they say is true
And it makes me want to change my view
I think I'm really starting to believe in what they are saying
And for some reason compliments are starting to offend me.

After all the crap from above
There's the fact that my parents are falling out of love
My parents don't really talk to each other anymore
And my Dad keeps threatening to walk out that door
I start thinking that they might get a divorce
And just that thought fills me with remorse.

All of these emotions just seemed to overflow
The day that some pregnant dog said some lie.. it made me explode
I was doing good... trying to hide my feelings
But I guess with that lie it just shot through the ceilings
That lie just made me want to yell
As thoughts passed through my mind of going to hell
And thoughts of my parents divorce filled my mind
And then all my feelings just intertwined.

All these feelings of sadness, remorse, anger, and hate
Just seemed to build at a steady rate
And thoughts of my unreligious feelings filled my mind quickly
And thoughts of God hating me for that surged within me
And thoughts of my friends never getting who they want passed by
And thoughts of them just starting to cry
All of these thoughts made me think of how undeserving I am, you know
And how I just don't let my feelings show.


All the anger made me want to cry
And I noticed I've been hungry.. I wonder why
I haven't been taking good care of myself
Because my depression just built up on itself
My depression has been taking over my life
And suicidal thoughts have come of my wrists and a knife
But in the end I listen to music and make my heart colder
And it makes me want to cry on someones shoulder.

I've been losing trust in myself and my friends
But I just want all these feelings to end
Hardening my heart just makes me more distant
And soon I'll be extemely resistant
But the only way, I guess, to get rid of the pain
Is to get used to it and then let it fill each vein....

[Chibi Jen]

That's a very, very depressing poem....

I hope you are feeling better now, cause that seemed like it was a very hard time for you. Something well should work out Just dont lose trust in yourself.

[Blu]

I like this one - - it seemed to empty out everything, because it was saturated with pain and sadness.

I hope that period is over, like after a summer storm, the sun will rise again... ^^

[Starfish]

Oh wow how nice of you all... Yes it has passed as a matter of fact I wrote that poem a year ago. I now have a new boyfriend who I love to death.New friends with the same beliefs I have (not that I lost the old ones.. they're still my BESTEST friends) My parents have gotten a divorce but I guess it's for the better. And yeah I still have a couple of probs.. (maybe I'll post another poem.. About them) but I am working them out as best as I can.

[Death Soldier]

Best of Luck Starfish...so glad to hear you're ok =)

[Chibi Jen]

Glad you're happy now ^_^ Your poem really expressed some deep emotions. I'd love to hear more of your poems.

[Starfish]

Title:
DEATH

My heart was ripped in two
My boyfriend and I are through
Even though sometimes I wake up crying
It's at night when I feel like I'm dying
To think I was actually thanking God for sending me this angel
But then I remember that He hates me, so he sent it from hell
I know that for the past few days I've changed a lot
But I guess that's the pain this break up has brought
I just stopped trusting everyone
From family to friends.. the trust has just gone
No one understands me or what I'm going through
But I guess they just don't want to
But that's okay because I'm getting used to the pain
The pain that all these years have been in vain
I'm regretting the idea to have given it a try
I should have detected that what he said was a lie
The lie with the words 'I love you'
I should have known that it just wasn't true!
The hard thing is that part of my heart still wants him
While the other part is on death's brim
To think I was actually happy for a while
Now I'm starting to think if it was all worthwhile
I just feel so empty and dead
I can't believe I get out of bed
I get this feeling that I'll never be me again
There's just so little of me that remains
It's too late for me it doesn't matter
My heart is just beginning to shatter
I feel cold and distant
And very emotionally resistant
But that's okay I just use some guile
And give out a fake laugh and smile
I'm tired, hungry, lonely, and cold
But I guess it'll always be that way until I get old.......
Emotional death is very close by
I think it's at the door.. I can hear it's cry
I'll welcome it with open arms
And let myself give into its charms....

Some things were just never meant to be and most likely never will....but that's all right...
I'll get used to it...
I already have...
I think...

I never believed him anyway...


-----------------------------------


I made this poem after my previous boyfriend broke up with me. I know many of you are thinking "Why so much after some guy?" Well I liked this guy since we were in 4th grade. (We were in 8th grade now.) I saw him go through girlfriend after girlfriend and his crushes and the pain he went through over some girl he liked so much. I was always there for him but he never noticed me. All his female friends turned against him over the girl because they didn't like her and he was going out with her so they were upset with him. It was a horrible moment in his life.

ANYWAY There was a talent show in my school and him, me, a friend named Luis, and my friend Natalie wanted to do something for it so we decided to do a dance routine. That's when all of them started going to my house to practice and between "sessions" I would talk to him and stuff. I guess he started liking me because I told him to come over my house one day (just him) to talk about the problems he was having. He came over and we started watching a movie (Signs.. good movie!!!) So afterwards I just asked him what was wrong and he wouldn't open up.. So I started asking him what his girlfriend was like and he still wouldn't say anything so then I asked him if he thought she was pretty and he said yes.. is she fun?.. yes.. do you really like her.. i guess.. and we were lying on my bed with our lips close when HE KISSED ME! and then I started crying because I've been waiting 4 years since 4th grade for this until finally halfway through our final year he kisses me. He tells me he was going to break up with his girlfriend (called Angelica) and we dated for about 6 weeks.

I WAS THE HAPPIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD. My friends were happy for me because we were all sad since we didn't have boyfriends.. none of us.. some of us never had one. I had one before but I always wanted Osvaldo (the boy I'm talking about also named Ozzy) and when he asked me out on my birthday (WE didn't officially date until my 14th b-day which was a week after the kiss) I thought it was the best birthday present ever. Anyway my friends thought it was going to be a turn for all of us since all my friends like other boys in the same class... and so I was like the "example" for them that everything would be okay.

So long story short.. (it's already pretty long) .. he emails me 6 weeks later and tells me he's breaking up with me! I got so depressed because he left me for Angelica! His ex-girlfriend! NOOO.. anyone but the EX! So I started hating myself.. two weeks later I turn down my now boyfriend (Paul) and start hurting myself but I wouldn't want to tell you all that since that's another story and you're all bored of my life already anyway. SO I'll shut up now and thanks for reading this boring post.

[Chibi Jen]

Woah, that's a really well written poem. I like the whole rythm in it, and the rhyming at the end doesnt make it lose its quality.

Thanks for sharing your story with us..I'm glad u feel comfortable enough to tell us about it