nate's poem(s) (I'm not too good, so shh :\)

[Nate]

If I could only show to you
the inner workings of my mind
I think that you'd be scared
I think that you'd be scarred

If I could only let you know
my greatest of all my desires
I think that you would smile
I think that you would cry

If I could only say to you
all the things on my mind
I think that you would live
I think that you would die

and if only I weren't myself
maybe it'd be mutual
and if only I could speak
my dreams could be real
and this is why I hate being me
all this emotional blockage

let me take the bandage away
and show the world my wounds
maybe someone out there
knows what I'm goin' through
maybe someone could give me advice
some advice that works for me too

maybe you could love me some day
and maybe some day will be soon
and I hope to see you 'round
I already know I will
maybe when I get my medicine
I can show you my ills?
----------------------------------
This little world of mine
is the place I always hide from life
this little world of mine
seems so big and empty without you here
I remember still
the first time you said that you loved me
I remember still
the first time you showed you really cared
I remember still
how I felt when you said you loved him
Thought I would die there
And I remember when you took me back
I was so very happy
but I will never feel that way again
We were supposed to be
we should have been together forever
And I still love you
not that you'd be too horribly surprised
And here I am now
forsaken by the one I want the most
And here I am now
waiting forever for you to love me...

[sailorgalaxy]

Its soo beautiful!!!!!

I like!  

[Sailor Comett]

Well written, nate... I liked the anaphora in the first three stanzas of the first poem - why didn't you keep that up? It kept a good rhythm...

[Nate]

I couldn't think of words to continue it like that, or I would've... I liked that too

I just kinda write from the top of my head, so my poems look like that alot
--------------------------
You want me dead
So I'll leave all this now
You want my head
So you can throw it away
You don't want me
You have no clue what you need
You're a know-nothing
In your own demented way

-I'm going away

[lilith]

I really liked your poems. As salorgalaxy said, Its soo beautiful!!!!!
(Specially the second one. It made my eyes watery) Please write more.

[Nate]

thx, but I'm not especially inspired to write more today nothing much to write about

[Krissy]

Nice poems! *Clap clap*
There beautiful!

[Nate]

You're still caught up on him
But you're not yet rid of me
What's up with you?
Just tell me why, just tell
I need to know, need to know
Just why can't I?
And tell me you're happy
Tell me you don't want something
Can you, honestly?
And tell me you can't see
Through this smile that's so phony
Is it still there?
Can't tell me you can't breathe
If he were to run away
Whatcha run on?
And tell me you're that happy
And tell me it's worth the pain
Just tell away.

note a pattern of syllables per line (6-7-4)

[Gleming123]

I wonder who was that poem directed to...

And yup Nate, It's not over yet, I still got some last fighting to do, we will see each other soon, and it won't be pretty

[Sailor Comett]

note a pattern of syllables per line (6-7-4)

Well done, lol. I'd suggest trying for 10-syllable lines next (good old iambic pentameter). Good poems though, I like them, they're very... emotional.

And yup Nate, It's not over yet, I still got some last fighting to do, we will see each other soon, and it won't be pretty

now now, boys!

[Nate]

Gleming, my sword is always ready to have a taste of your blood

[Gleming123]

Don't wink at me, if you mind